Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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