If i come over, it means nothing
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize