You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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