You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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