Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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