i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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