I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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