is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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