he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
