babies were throwing up all over the place
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
