U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
