youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
