fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
