what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
