I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
