i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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