just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
