you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
