You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
