if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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