I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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