Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
