Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
