Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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