Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
