girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
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