Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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