im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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