just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
two words...techno handjob
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize