your room smells of hookers.
And success
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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