your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize