I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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