There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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