she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
