So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Small penises have feelings too.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
