His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
