Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
