Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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