oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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