We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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