I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize