We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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