i jhust puked up my retainher.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
