What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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