Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
