I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
