My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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