You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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