Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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