Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
