Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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