Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
