Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
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