I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
