i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
