I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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