he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
