I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
