I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
