Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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