Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize