im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
