A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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