sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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