Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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