I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
