Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
