so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
