You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
you had me at cake vodka
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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