WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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