I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
