My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
